What Are Inner Child Wounds? (And Why They're Not Your Fault)
Barbara GuimaraesA therapist's soft but unfiltered take on healing the parts of you that grew up too fast
I'm going to be honest with you right from the start: if you're here searching "what are inner child wounds," chances are you already know something inside you feels broken. Maybe you've been told you're "too sensitive," or you find yourself reacting to situations in ways that surprise even you. Maybe you're exhausted from always being the responsible one, or you feel like you're performing your way through life instead of actually living it.
Here's what I wish someone had told me years ago, before I collapsed under the weight of trying to be perfect: those wounds aren't your fault, and feeling them doesn't make you broken.
What Are Inner Child Wounds, Really?
Inner child wounds are the emotional injuries we carry from childhood—times when our young hearts needed safety, understanding, or protection, but instead experienced overwhelm, neglect, or harm. These aren't just "bad memories." They're lived experiences that shaped how we see ourselves, relationships, and the world.
Think of your inner child as the part of you that still carries the emotions, needs, and experiences of your younger self. When that part of you was hurt, confused, or left to handle things alone, wounds formed. And here's the thing that took me way too long to understand: these wounds aren't character flaws. They're adaptations.
Your sensitivity? Your perfectionism? Your people-pleasing? Your difficulty trusting? These developed because a younger version of you was trying to survive and make sense of a world that often felt overwhelming or unsafe.
The Most Common Inner Child Wounds (And Why They Develop)
1. Abandonment Wounds
When caregivers were physically or emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or when you experienced loss or separation. This creates a deep fear of being left behind.
2. Rejection Wounds
When your authentic self, emotions, or needs were dismissed, criticized, or punished. This teaches you that who you are isn't acceptable.
3. Betrayal Wounds
When trust was broken by those meant to protect you, or when you learned that expressing needs led to disappointment or harm.
4. Humiliation Wounds
When you were shamed for being "too much" or "not enough"—too emotional, too sensitive, too needy, or not smart enough, strong enough, or good enough.
5. Injustice Wounds
When you were treated unfairly, when rules applied differently to you, or when you had to grow up too fast and handle adult responsibilities as a child.
The cruel irony? Many of us with inner child wounds became the most self-aware, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent adults. We learned to read rooms, anticipate needs, and care for others because we had to. But we never learned to extend that same care to ourselves.
When you're carrying inner child wounds, your nervous system is often stuck in survival mode. You might be hypervigilant, always scanning for threats. You might people-please to avoid conflict. You might work yourself to exhaustion to prove your worth.
My Own Inner Child Wound Story
Last year, I thought I had it all figured out. Fresh master's degree, first queer relationship, a job I actually loved. I pictured my New York chapter filled with golden autumn days and finally feeling like I was living instead of just surviving.
Then July happened. A routine home visit turned into assault—a client who didn't respect my boundary, hands, chasing, running down a hallway praying the door wasn't locked. I told myself to shake it off because I had another client to see. But inside my head, I was screaming.
When my partner fell into depression and pushed me away exactly when I needed someone to show up, every abandonment wound I thought I'd healed came flooding back. By winter, I stopped leaving the house. My car sat untouched for weeks. I didn't shower for days, didn't wash my hair for two months.
The bipolar diagnosis felt like confirmation of what my inner child had always feared: I was too much, too broken, too messy to be loved as I am.
I replayed my twenties, turning every bad decision into proof that this was my fault. If only I hadn't... If only I'd... My wounded inner child was convinced she had done this to herself.
But here's what I know now that I wish I'd known then: those wounds weren't evidence of my brokenness. They were evidence of my strength.
The Root Phase: Why Safety Has to Come First
In my work with sensitive adults, I use what I call the Reparenting Rhythm—a gentle framework that honors how healing actually happens (spoiler: it's not linear). The first phase is ROOT, because safety is the soil where all healing grows.
When you're carrying inner child wounds, your nervous system is often stuck in survival mode. You might be hypervigilant, always scanning for threats. You might people-please to avoid conflict. You might work yourself to exhaustion to prove your worth.
Before you can heal those wounds, you need to create safety in your body and your environment. This doesn't mean your life has to be perfect—it means giving your nervous system permission to settle.
Some gentle ways to begin creating safety:
- Notice what makes your body feel calm vs. activated
- Practice saying "I'm learning to trust myself" instead of "I don't trust myself"
- Create small, predictable rituals that feel nurturing
- Remember that healing doesn't have to hurt to be real
You survived. You developed incredible strength, intuition, and empathy. You learned to care for others with a depth that only comes from knowing what it feels like to be in pain. These aren't consolation prizes—they're superpowers born from struggle.
Why Your Inner Child Wounds Aren't Your Fault
Let me be crystal clear about something: you were a child. Children aren't responsible for creating safe, emotionally healthy environments for themselves. Children aren't supposed to regulate their own emotions without support. Children aren't meant to handle adult problems or take care of adult feelings.
If you developed wounds as a child, it's because the adults around you—whether through their own wounds, circumstances, or limitations—weren't able to provide what you needed. This doesn't make them monsters (though some might have been). It makes them human. But it also doesn't make those wounds your fault.
Your sensitivity was never the problem. Your emotions were never too much. Your needs were never unreasonable. You were a child trying to make sense of a world that often felt confusing, overwhelming, or unsafe.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Here's what therapy rarely prepares you for: healing inner child wounds isn't about "getting over" your past or becoming someone different. It's about learning to parent yourself with the gentleness you deserved then and deserve now.
Healing might look like:
- Crying over things that happened decades ago (and that being okay)
- Setting boundaries that younger you never could
- Choosing relationships where you don't have to perform to be loved
- Trusting your sensitivity as wisdom instead of seeing it as weakness
- Moving through the world with curiosity instead of constant self-protection
Some days, healing feels like progress. Other days, it feels like moving backward. Both are normal. Both are part of the rhythm.
Moving Forward: You Don't Need to Be Healed to Be Held
If you're reading this and recognizing your own wounds in these words, please hear this: you don't need to be fully healed to deserve love, safety, and belonging. Your wounds are not something to be ashamed of—they're something to be honored.
You survived. You developed incredible strength, intuition, and empathy. You learned to care for others with a depth that only comes from knowing what it feels like to be in pain. These aren't consolation prizes—they're superpowers born from struggle.
Your inner child wounds aren't your fault, but healing them? That gets to be your choice. And whatever that healing looks like—therapy, coaching, journaling, art, movement, community—it doesn't have to be perfect to be real.
Messy healing is still healing.
If this resonates and you're ready to begin creating safety for your inner child, I'd love to support you. My Reintroduction Series is a gentle 6-week container designed specifically for sensitive adults ready to reconnect with themselves without the overwhelm. Learn more about working together →
